Random Thoughts Series

I'm gonna try a new weekly series for all of my dedicated readers of this most wonderful informational venue, which is currently me, GFY! I'm gonna start posting random thoughts I have throughout the week, just to give you a sneak peek into the mind of a genius.

Self - "if I accidentally let one slip past the goalie whilst on my morning commute, obviously I will be heading back home, but do I stop to clean up or ride it out til I get to the fortress of solitude sitting in my stuff? I mean if Timmy can sit in his surely I can as well"

That's just a teaser, much more to come! Hooray!!

Getting back on the horse!

I guess there's no better time to get back on that bag of glue, that would be the proverbial horse to all the kids and dumbasses, then now at 4 in the mo'nin! Seems like my lil man doesn't like or need sleep anymore (oh and he just farted right at me, little shit)! I need to be more diligent with updating this awesome site of great information. I also need to be more diligent with working out because I'm becoming a bit of a fatty.

More to come from neighborhood friendly curmudgeon!

March Effing Madness!!

Well boys and girls, tis that time of year again, football is over, the weather is turning warmer, and it's March! No it's not Mardi Gras



Or St paddy's day



It's March Effing Madness bitches!!!!! Awwww, the memories



Not so much this



I know I know it's a little late in the game and most of you are used to nothing but dick and fart chokes from me but you can suck it! No one reads this shit besides me anyway. This is about the special time of the year that proudly promotes gambling and one of the largest waste of work time outside of Valentine's Day when all the dudes are scrambling to find their significant other a shitty last second gift.

Now the boys in maize and blue made a surprising return to the dance and damn near shocked the world again but unfortunately fell short of the so-called "uncle toms"! On top of that it was great to see Coach Fisher back in the dance with San Diego St. Maybe this is the reason this year's tournament has been one I have been geeked about in quite sometime.

I'm really not going to bore you with my slightly buzzed ramblings about sports, especially since most of you all only come here to see these




Holla bitches!!

People are effing idiots!

And with that being said......I get back into business of putting my pointless shit on the world wide web!

But seriously people are efftards and I know I ain't supposed to say tards but I wasn't supposed to say "ain't" either so GFY!! At the seasoned age of 37 why am I still dealing with high school shit!




Well I won't waste my first blog in a year on that shit, so "after these messages we'll be right back!"

Holla bitches!!!

We Are The Who?

Holy monkey dung it's been a long time since I've posted anything. A lot has been going on with your neighborhood friendly curmudgeon. Let's see, we had a surprising wedding announcement, a mending of strained family relationships, a massive snowfall right before Christmas, a subsequent flooding of our basement after Christmas (20 years of saved Playboys ruined), another massive snowfall, an entire week of no work, blah, blah, blah.

Well during this time of solitude, the tiny island of Haiti was slammed with a massive earthquake, and the world opened it's arms and wallets to help out. Now I will refrain from saying some things that I've said out loud and gotten into a little trouble for, but one thing I do have to speak on is the 25th anniversary and release of We Are The World. Now when that song and video came out, I had just turned 10 years old, holy shit!!! Anyways, it was the who's who of the recording industry, I mean who can forget the collaborating styles of Lionel Richie before his wife beat the ess out him, Kim Carnes and her smoky raspy sexy voice, she was by the way the original cougar, and many others, including a black Michael Jackson.

Now I appreciate what the new artists are trying to do and all, but I just watched the video and I shit you not, I recognized maybe 10% of the artists. (I love the fact that the Dude was in it, The Dude!!) I also find it a little bit strange that Lil Wayne can have a singing part, yet they have to break into the whole rap interlude with LL, Snoop, etc. Has Lil Wayne risen to such heights he stands apart from these legends, I would beg to differ.

Any nuts, I basically used the 25th anniversary of We Are The World to getting back to writing on this damned thing. I hopefully will be posting much more and have plenty o' tales of debauchery. Well, not really, after all I am an old fart now (resounding THUD).

I'm out bitches!!

Sometimes....It has a mind of it's own.

As LiLu explains, the day of humility is upon us. Please join in and share and read stories of sheer awesomeness, but let this be your warning, not intended for the weak stomached, the elderly, and small children, and possibly my wife.

Well, I've stated many times on how awesomely rad it is to be a dude and not have to deal with the intricities of being a woman such as THIS and especially THIS!!! (I especially like the picture of throwing a hot dog down a hallway)

Well, being a dude has some shall I say "special" intricities as well. I think we all know about the episode of Seinfeld with "shrinkage"

"Do women know about shrinkage?"
"What do you mean, like laundry?"
"No..."
"Like when a man goes swimming... Afterwards..."
"It shrinks?"
"Like a frightened turtle."
"Why does it shrink?"
"It just does."
"I don't know how you guys walk around with those things."

Other times it's the complete opposite, usually in the morning. I mean you could push doors open with it, and not the flimsy screen doors mind you, I'm talking about Star Wars grade blast doors. There are times where it would be completely dangerous to walk into a China Shop for fear of knocking everything over, and I'm not talking about with my hands mind you.

Well, there is nothing more awkward than riding mass transit in the morning, standing up and realizing I'm saluting the poor old lady sitting across from me. Good thing Senator Craig wasn't there, or that would've been uncomfortable.

I think it's safe to say most guys remember being in school when the teacher requests your prescence at the chalk board to share your awesome mathematical skills at the most inopportune time. You respectfully decline and as Eddie Murphy so politely put it, "I'll take the zero."

Most of the time this can be covered up by the proper pants such as these:


But, under no circumstances should sweatpants be used:




The mystery of "Morning Wood". And with that, I'm out bitches!!!

Holy Esss, Me Wants!!!!

In today's age of trying to be a fit and healthy country, we are inundated with an ass load of ways to eat and be healthy. Apparently we are a country full of lard asses. Well, if I remember correctly, "Lard Ass" got the last laugh at the annual blueberry pie eating contest.




That being said, it seems that some of our gluttonous providing establishments missed the memo. Case in point, McD's now has the 1/3 pounder angus burgers, which I must say are effing awesome.

Well, there is a new leader in the clubhouse apparently. I say apparently because this new player has taken on somewhat of a mythical status. Mythical like the giant squid or bigfoot, not mythical like unicorns. Meaning there have been alleged sightings of said mythical beings. (I used mythical like a lot of times in that last part, I know, GFY!!) Oh and just in case you were wondering, the best, most telling footage of bigfoot came in the National Geographic documentary about a family who happens to come across the creature and emmerse him into suburbia:



Well, this new player in all things fat-inducing is brought to us from the ole Colonel himself, Kentucky Fried Chicken. (I refuse to call it KFC, keepin' it old school baby!!)

This beast of a sandwich apparently consists of bacon wrapped in melted pepperjack and swiss swimming in the Colonel's special sauce (I don't even want to think about what the Colonel's special sauce, sounds like a TMIT post to me.) Well this sounds pretty average if you ask me, but they then take on awesome to power of hell yeah status by substituting bread buns with the Colonels original recipe breast buns. You read that correctly my friend, buns made of pure chicken teets.



All I can really say is "Well done Colonel, well done!!" I must find this alleged handheld slice of heaven and shove it down my yumhole, NOW!!!

I'm out bitches!!!