Fatherhood

So, I've been at this fatherhood gig for 13 years now. (Pause for effect)Holy shit, 13 years!!!!! Well, I by no means have been a perfect father, dad, pops, whatever the sparkies may call it these days. I have a quick temper, I have a certain level of expectation, I can be snarky, curmudgeonly, and generally have a pessimistic view on the world. I absolutely love it when I'm in the elevator at work and random sheep will say, "Hey, it's friday" and I look back in my most expressionless face, raise a single eyebrow, and state, "Yeah, just two more days til monday". I just love giving society a gut punch. My point is, I sometimes am not the best role model and here I am molding and shaping the lives of youngsters.

After my son, Maceo, was born in 96, I was so clueless on what to expect, hell, I'm still pretty clueless on what to expect now, but I digress. I will admit that I was in no mindset to be the fatherly figure I needed to be, but I finally did grow up. That's what kids will do to you. They force you to grow up whether you want to or not. I'd like to think I've done an alright job at molding Maceo into a decent kid, there have been times I've been a little tough on him but it is what it is. Well, part of the resulting affect of my lack of maturity in the early years was the separation of Maceo's mother and I. That's tough on any kid, but I think he's been a pretty well adjusted kid despite that. Alot of that has to with the Pooz coming along. She got my ass in shape, understood when I was feeling low, called me out when I was or am being an ass, understands that to this day it's still unbearably tough to have to drop him off when he goes back to his moms.

Well, after a few years go by, things seem pretty easy, I think I've got this parenthood thing licked, what's so tough about it. Well, then comes along my nemesis, Kayde, my daughter. I knew things would be different this time around, if nothing else for the simple fact that she's a girl. I remember the first time Maceo saw her when we were changing her diaper, he so plainly stated "why does she only have a butt", classic. Now, after my daughter was born, I had all of these visions of my little princess being this sweet loving person. I mean, what else was I to believe, she looked like a clone of Pooz, so I figured that she'd have the same personality as her, yeah, not the case. She looks like Pooz, but has my nasty temper and attitude, great, thanks. This little devil would fight me on just about everything, taking a bath, brushing her teeth, going to bed, eating her food. If I said stop, she would go, if I said off, she screamed on.

I would have to safely say that she is the reason I am looking like the asian George Clooney, and not the Facts Of Life Clooney either, the current salt and peppered hair Clooney.





Alright Clooney may be a stretch, go scratch. Anywho, Kayde has begun to morph into the little princess I had visions of, slowly at least, but I think we're getting there.

All of this fatherhood experience has had a serious toll on me though, somewhere along the line, I became that guy, that dad that had the slightly overweight in the gut area, always yelling at the kids to "STAY OFF MY YARD!!" (shaking fist in air) like old man Rivers, listening to today's music and thinking it's garbage, which it really is, I mean come on, Lady GaGa!!




But I'm also that guy that has the kick to the ass luau every year, one of the kewlest 4th of July shows on the block, and one of the most Griswalded inspired houses during Christmas. As my mates like to point out, I'm also that weirdo that walks around his driveway at 3 in the morning drink scotch and smoking cigarettes.

I do the best I can, considering I didn't have an example to go off of growing up, but I wouldn't change a damn thing about it.

Holla bitches!!!