TMI Thursday

As LiLu explains, the day of humility is upon us. Please join in and share and read stories of sheer awesomeness, but let this be your warning, not intended for the weak stomached, the elderly, and small children, and possibly my wife.




So this is my first foray into TMI Thursday, and I ask please be gentle. Some few weeks ago me and the fam went to Myrtle for vacation, that's right, white trash capital of the south, only second to the white trash capital of the north, Ocean City Md.

Somewhere between the 7 hour drive, the shitty bed, the sad attempt at impressing my son and daughter with my wicked to the power of rad skills at skimboarding, and the return trip, I screwed my back up. God damn it effing blows to get old, my knees hurt, got the gout, and now I got a bad back. Well, some of that may be a stretch but this is my story so go scratch. I was trying to tough through the pain, because I am dude and that's what dudes do, but after a randy nocturnal escapade with the misses one night, I woke up the next morning damn near incapacitated, I actually buckled at the knees trying to put my socks on!! Anyways, Pooz finally talks me into going to see a chiropractor. I was totally freaked at the thought of having some donk twist my spine to make it sound like a kid twisting a sheet of bubble wrap, but, I've heard how awesome you can feel after Dr. Giggles manipulates your spine so I go.

(Not really my doctor, but that's the frightening mental concept I got).

Well for the first visit Dr. Giggles comes in and gets some past information from me such as the level of pain, what I may have done to cause this, if I've ever seen a grown man naked. After that, he tells me to put on the gown and takes me through a series of stretches to see my range of motion. He then has his assistant come in and she hooks me up to the electroshock machine, which is kind of awesome. She hooked the little pads to my lower back and cranked that bitch up and the next thing I know, my ass checks are doing the samba, involuntarily I might add. Apparently this is quite common as she was most unimpressed with my ability to ass dance without moving. Well, after about 20 minutes of that, she tells me Dr. Giggles will be back in to "manipulate" my spine, ahhhhh!!!! (sound clip of dramatic music inserted here)(not really, but it would have been kewl if I could have found one.)

I'm nervous as all get out, Dr. Giggles comes in and tells me to lay on my side with one leg bent. He pretty much sits on the bent leg and pulls my opposite arm and my back snaps like the aforementioned bubble wrap. WOW!!! That wasn't so bad I think to myself. He tells me to flip over on the other side and he does it again. I'm thinking this is kick ass to the power of 10. Then he tells me to lay flat on my stomach. No, he didn't put both hands on my shoulders you pervs!!! He does put both hands on my back and tells me to breath in deep and let it all out. Just as I am exhaling he pushes on my back in an attempt to further crack my back. Well, I don't think he got the outcome he was looking for. As he pushed all of his weight on my back at the same time I exhaled, this caused the air to escape in any way it could, flatulently. Well, that was awkward. Imagine the horror, me wearing a hospital gown with the back wide open, and the only filter for the internal gases are my boxers. Well needless to say, Dr. Giggles got right up and said that should do it for the first visit, go a head and get dressed and I'll be back in to further discuss the treatment.

Well, this concludes my first forray into TMIThursdays. Be nice!!!