A Roll Of The Dice

As LiLu explains, the day of humility is upon us. Please join in and share and read stories of sheer awesomeness, but let this be your warning, not intended for the weak stomached, the elderly, and small children, and possibly my wife.




I have never been to Vegas and probably never will, it's been about 12 years since I've been to Atlantic City, and I will probably never go to that dump of a city again. It's not like I'm going to take the fam to that beach when the aforementioned Ocean City is a mere used rubber's throw away.

"Back on track!!!"

What I'm getting at is that I will probably never go to a legit gambling mecca such as Vegas or AC, however I do believe that I roll the dice on a daily basis and on a few occassions have nearly come up snake eyes, and not the kick to the ass dude from GI Joe.



Everday I get up to go to work and I ask myself, "hmmm, will I make it?" You see, everyday I make a 60 mile trek to work and in our area we have HOV lanes for persons that carpool with 3 or more people. And since I'm generally not a people person and I smoke, and like odd and offensive music, I don't like to ride with other people, but the great commonwealth has allowed drivers of hybrid vehicles to ride in these lanes all bys thems selves, ha ha bitches!!! Anyways, once you get on these HOV lanes, you are pretty much locked into them like a mini prison sentence minus the obligatory prison rape. Well, as I leave my house I usually have a mug of joe for the trip. Well, for some odd reason, it turns out that coffee is like natures POO INDUCER, at least for me, and conveniently the first hot flash wave doesn't perkilate until after I've gotten onto said HOV lanes.

Now I have to do the seductive dance of twisting in my seat to change positions, squinting my eyes as if I'm summoning some mystical shart preventing deity, rolling down all windows to get some cool air, anything to keep myself from having a cataclysmic event happen right in my pants, right in my car.

Well, that's just the first part, because, once I get to my normal stop I still have to take a commuter bus to get to my main office. Now take all of the pain and uneasiness of my car ride, and amp that bitch up 10 fold as these buses aren't the most comfortable rides, and my stop is the last of like 7 stops. The good thing about where I work is the numerous buildings along the route. I have on quite a few occassions rushed into a random building at 7 in the morning, ran into the little cafe and shouted at the poor deli lady preparing the days meats, WHERES THE BUILDING RESTROOMS!!!! Usually they can see the pain in my flushed face and eyes and are compassionate and point me right to the public restroom. Sometimes they can see the pain in my flushed face and eyes and are complete douches by pointing me into every corridor that doesn't have a bathroom.

I don't know how many close calls there have been, but it is safe to say, I have my excuse to my boss on why I have to rush home all written out in my crackberry ready to send at moments notice.

Luckily I haven't had to use that draft email, but that doesn't mean I haven't had one slip pass the goalie on other occassions, which will be a story for another day.

Later bitches!!!